3.26.2008

Hit the Road, Jack

Ohmygodi'mleavingfortourin7days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Commence freakout.

Funny, I started writing this blog 2 days ago, and I just can't seem to finish. Anyway.

Let's not even discuss the amount of time I don't have to get everything done. Or the money I don't have to pay for the things I need to get. Instead, let's discuss some of my favorite essentials to bring on a road trip:

• Aveda chapstick - At $8 a pop, this is some pricey stuff. But it works better than any other lip balm I've tried, including it's $15 counterpart, the Aveda Lip Replinisher.

• Thayers Slippery Elm Lozenges - I'm digging the tangerine flavor. Keeps the throat lubricated and has vitamin C.

• Traditional Medicines Throat Coat Tea - So far, the best thing I've found for a sore or dry throat. Yogi's Throat Comfort is a close second.

• Pen and paper - There's nothing like a road trip to inspire some creative writing. I also like to make a lot of lists. Things I see that interest me, words I want to study, things I want to do when I get home, etc.

• Hoodie - Because it can get cold out there. And because sometimes you just want to burrow and hide when you're trapped in close quarters with others for too long.

• Water - And lots of it. Funny how sitting in a car doing nothing can still dehydrate you.

• Kashi granola bars - They're delicious, filling and free of high fructose corn syrup.

• Eye drops - Staring at the road too long turns my contacts crispy.

• Kleenex - Without a doubt, I always need them.

• Petroniekins Hangover Remedy - Because inevitably, there will booze and rough mornings to follow:
* B Vitamins - this is what most of those hangover remedies on the market have in them anyway, but personally, I'm a little freaked out by the amount of caffeine and sugar accompanied by them. Take it before bed & again the next day for best results.
* 7-up - Because Sprite sucks. Sorry, it just does.
* Ranitidine - I have acid reflux problems anyway, but this is just the ticket when our tummies are feeling a little queasy. Generic ranitidine works for me, but you might find the other generic antacid drug, famotidine, (see active ingredients on things like Pepcid Complete) works better for you. Again, for best results take before bedtime. It takes a little time to kick in.
* Gatorade - Make a pitstop at the Hydration Station. You'll feel better.
* Ibuprofen - Last, but not least. Again, if you can remember it, before bedtime is best.

******

I'm a creature of comfort. The way I see it, if you're comfortable, you'll deal better. And ain't there always something to deal with.

3.24.2008

Girls' Room

Dear Whoever Keeps Peeing On the God Damn Seat In The Girls Bathroom,

Seriously? You couldn't have just wiped that up? Or sat on the toilet that's probably cleaned more than your own bathroom?

3.17.2008

It's Raining, It's Pouring

It's raining to beat the band out there, as my mother would say. Or is it "ban?" I don't know. The woman has more expressions than I can count. Really. I've been writing them down for the last 15 years or so, because they're hilarious and odd and I rarely hear anyone but her use most of them. One of my favorites is, "from hell to breakfast." As in, "If I'd have said that, my daddy would've kicked my ass from hell to breakfast." Seriously, this is just how she talks. I love it.

Anyway, I know you're just dying to hear more about my animals defecation habits, so let's get that out of the way. We spoke with our vet, and evidently, some dogs just "can't handle the fiber" in this new dog food. There's an understatement if I ever heard one. The solution? Keep Zoe on the new food and put Gina back on the old. As if we didn't have enough daily pet processes to work through. Some day, in my dreams, I will have a home with *decent* (I'm not even asking for nice here) furniture and floors that have not been destroyed by four-legged creatures.

Oh, who am I kidding? Once these critters are gone, I'll probably get suckered into more.

******

Is it just me, or is St. Patrick's Day one of the dumbest holidays ever? Who'd have thought so many people would take pride in a celebration of one's heritage that often seems only to amount to a glorified abuse of alcohol and the color green? I'm not knocking anybody here. I'm sure I've got some Irish blood, just like half of America. I just wonder why more people don't find it mildly offensive that centuries worth of an entire culture have been boiled down into leprechauns and green beer. It's kind of like how Italians are always represented as one giant crime family of gun-toting, drug-dealing henchmen. Maybe it'd be easier to take if we made a hallmark holiday out of it, with lots of red wine (you know, red for all the blood we shed) and cutesy little organza bags with grams of cocaine in them. Just a minute while I get the Vatican on the phone...

******

So yeah, you won't find me throwing down on St. Patty's Day, but I'll recount a tale a friend of mine told me from the weekend's celebrations. She was walking down a heavily-populated bar area Saturday night, when she saw a young girl with a bachelorette sash across her chest run drunkenly out into the middle of the street and get struck by a Lexus. She heard a scream and then a loud thud, and the girl was almost struck a second time by a car going in the opposite direction. The girl got up and walked away. Everyone clapped. The man in the Lexus asked who was gonna pay for the dent in his car.

The girl was seen again later in the night at a nearby bar. While I'm sure your inebriated stamina is applaudable, that had to be one hell of a hangover the next day.

3.13.2008

You're In the Jungle, Baby!

Yesterday, I was looking at this website and a co-worker saw what I was looking at and exclaimed, "That's dumb!"

Silly, yes. Over the top? Maybe. But dumb?

What's dumb about website dedicated to posting hilarious and adorable photos and video of animals? Have you been on the internet lately? Do we really need to talk about the myriad of sites available and the ridiculous topics to which they are devoted? I think you're dumb.

I've given it some thought, and I think at the ripe age of 31, I've made an important self-discovery: If you do not like animals, we can not be friends. Something is fundamentally wrong (dare I say evil?) with harboring a general disdain for other living things. Perhaps you prefer not to have pets or spend time with animals. Fine. I think you're a little nutty, but hey, I respect your personal preference. The keyword is "respect." Lest we forget we're merely animals ourselves.

*******

Now that I've made my epiphanic declaration, let's discuss the downsides of pet ownership.

No sooner had we finished cleaning up bloody pee for a week straight, then my other dog began pooping ALL OVER THE HOUSE on a near daily basis. The reason I know it is my beloved German shepherd, Gina, is because she has the unique habit of walking while she poops, as though she's leaving a trail of breadcrumbs through the forest, only the forest is my yard and driveway (our mailman undoubtedly hates us), and now my home. Unlike Zoe, who squats still, like a normal dog. I come home each night to find a trail of turds leading from the couch in the living room through the kitchen and into our bedroom. Recently, she's begun urinating in the house as well. I don't know if this is because their food was switched during the whole UTI fiasco, if it's simply old age or if this is an effect from the prednisone, but I intend to call our vet and ask what the fuck.

Meanwhile, as we're cleaning up feces and opening windows (hey, wanna come over?), the felines are stepping gingerly around turds the size of their heads, seating themselves on a nearby perch so they can stare and occasionally blink disgustedly at us, as if they've never seen such filth.

As if to ask, "Surely you don't expect us to cover this up?"

******

3.10.2008

What Do I Care If Icicles Fall?

I finally had my review last week. I received excellent marks – as if I expected anything else, right? This is the first time I've had a review that involved meeting with four people, and it was a little nerve racking. What's worse is, after we went over my "scores," my direct supervisor had to leave the room so the other 3 people could interrogate me on her performance as a manager. What am I going to say here, folks? The only response was the one in keeping with my new "No Drama" work policy. "She's doing an excellent job!"

I've experienced my fair share of office drama, and frankly, I'm over it. It can be hard to rise above it, because you spend a good chunk of your life at work. Even the most skillfully detached may find it hard not to take a sense of pride or responsibility in what they do, and therefore may find the blatant disregard for their hard work and sacrifice frustrating. You may even feel justified in speaking out against injustices perpetrated. I support you; leaders of the movement, advocates of change, proponents of equality. I just don't have the energy for it these days. The cons have drastically outweighed the pros of speaking out in my last few work places. My chances of winning the battle within the corporate environment are slim, and at best, my candor only serves as a temporary release of my frustration. Sure, there have been a few time where I spoke my mind, and regardless of the outcome, I felt pride in not being a doormat or standing up to a bully. But in my experience, the conflict and/or the job just hasn't been worth the trouble.

******

State of Emergency!

It snowed about a foot this past weekend. We were officially under a state of emergency, which in our family means a "State of Emergency Party." I love nothing more than being trapped in my house with my loved one and litter of fuzzy creatures, complete with a bottle of bourbon, good food and movies, during inclement weather. Seriously, it's like one of my favorite things on earth. Something about having a legitimate excuse to hole up and not go anywhere. "Sorry. Trapped. Can't leave." If I come into a lot of money someday, I'll be spending my winters in a cabin in Maine, so that I may experience a 3-month long State of Emergency Party. I'm telling you, it does wonders for one's creativity.

3.03.2008

Following a brief shot of Princes William and Harry on the news the other morning:

Me: Prince William is hot.

B: You think he's hot?

Me: Uh, yeah.

B: Well, I'm sorry I'm not a prince, who's all rich and debonair, who showers every day!

3.01.2008

Easy Like Sunday Morning (except it's Saturday)

Playing a rock show is not a bad way to end a very stressful week. All of us had a rough week one way or another. (Our bassist found out all their pets have worms! Yuck.) It felt like we combusted under the pressure with sweet release. We had a special guest play with us last night, my cousin C., who sings like an angel and plays violin to match. She brings a new energy and makes everything sound much fuller. If only we could have her all the time.

Today is a well-deserved lazy day, with our greatest accomplishment so far being the shower I took and the clean sheets we put on our bed. The sun's shining, and I considered opening the windows, but I think it may be a little premature. Winter is not done with us yet, though it is nice to see the sun again. The dogs have spent most of the day outside, lying in the grass like cows in a field...except for when the neighborhood kids come by on their skateboards and they take off sprinting to follow them the length of the fence, barking like crazy. The cats are taking turns lying in the sunlight coming through the living room windows and sleeping their cat bed in our darkened studio. They may even inspire me to nap.