12.04.2008

I'm Over It

This is a repost of a blog I wrote for myspace a few months ago. I think it bears repeating.

• What is it with chicks and Tori Amos? I wish I could say I made it through all the way through at least one of her albums, but I just couldn't stay awake that long. She is not a goddess. Nor is she the leader of the feminist movement. As far as I'm concerned, the only movement she's leading is in my bowels.



• Why are bad haircuts trendy? You just spent $60 to look like my 5-year-old niece cut your hair with Barbie scissors in the dark. And don't tell me you're "weird" and "artsy," because any real artist wouldn't be dropping every last penny they have to get the same shitty haircut as all the rest of the suckers you wanna impress. They'd be spending it on gear and art supplies. And booze and drugs.



• Bands, you don't need a gimmick. You need good songs. If you'd just quit re-writing Green Day and Nirvana songs for five minutes and look out the god damn window, you might find some real inspiration. And put those silly costumes away. We're not doing Hairspray, we're doing rock n' roll. If you're spending more time styling your bad haircut and picking out a stage outfit than you do working out your material, you're a douche – a very unoriginal douche. But you'll still probably get a record deal with Dreamworks and appear on the Jimmy Kimmel show, while all the amazing musicians I know will continue to struggle to make enough money to buy gas to play some shitty club in Ohio.



• Drinking cheap, shitty beer is what you do when you are broke or there are no other alternatives. You're not making a social statement; you're just drinking bad beer. Take that $60 you were gonna spend on next month's trendy-shitty-mullet haircut and go to your nearest micro-brewery. You can thank me later by building some fucking character. 



• Getting naked on myspace doesn't make you a revolutionary. It means the chicks down at The Body Shop have better business sense than you do.

1 comment:

natalie said...

This makes me cry laughing every time I read it. I couldn't agree more. You should see the mullets in Mexico too, wow, it's bad.